I stumbled upon your web site when I was researching a related topic.  I am a 38 year old heterosexual woman who understands exactly where you're coming from.  I had my first crush on a boy when I was twelve years old and I have been physically attracted to numerous male acquaintances. But I'm usually too afraid to enter relationships with men.  I dated sporadically during my twenties but I haven't been out on a date in eight years!  I've put on a quite a bit of weight during this period as well.  There was a time when men would look at me with interest but this hasn't happened in at least 4 or 5 years.  I keep telling myself that I need to get out more and socialize.  I basically go to work and go home.

In the past year or so I've come to realize that I'm scared of life in many ways.  This would probably surprise my colleagues.  I went away to college when I was seventeen. I've lived and travelled in foreign countries.  I have a graduate degree and work in a professional occupation.  But looking back, I realize that I was always a timid child.  And I grew up in a big family so my parents didn't have the time or energy to draw me out of my shell.  I was on my own emotionally speaking and I dealt with childhood and adolescent stresses by retreating into my bedroom.  I didn't have any social life in high school, even though I earned good grades.  I think I have a good understanding of why I've been so withdrawn but understanding one's motives are only half the battle.  Fighting my tendency to withdraw socially is much harder.  It is such ingrained behavior!

I'm not glad to hear that other people are suffering but it is nice to know that I'm not the only one with this problem.  It's nice to have a support group where we can support each other.  I mean there are support groups for everthing else but not for involuntary celibacy or the shyness, lack of esteem, etc. that causes it.