Hey, everyone. I'm 25 years old, and have never really been on a date, let alone been physically intimate.While this may sound absurd to 99.9% of the people out there, there are a few of us that don't fit the social mold for one reason or another. This is my recollection on how I came to be an incel.

I think the foundation was first laid by religion. My mother comes from a strong Roman Catholic background, and I was raised into that set of beliefs. Part of this was frequent Sunday school, where virtues such as celibacy before marriage were drummed into my skull through repetition.

For the most part, they did a good job, since my morals and values are almost entirely inline with the Catholic faith. Of course, simply being Catholic doesn't make you an incel. (There's a reason you're supposed to find a 'good' Catholic girl; 'bad' ones can be unbelievably wild.)

One day, in the 2nd or 3rd grade, two classmates announced that they were dating, and talked about their 'date'. This seemed kinda odd to me, so I told my Dad about it. He basically said that dating at my age was stupid; because kids aren't mature enough or something along those lines. Too bad my father didn't realize how much I was listening. I took his opinion a little further. I actually decided to not date until I had my life sorted out, so I could completely focus on the relationship when I actually started dating. 18 sounded like a good age to start, since that's when you're legally an Adult, and dating was an 'adult' thing in my mind.

A year or two later, a different school. I was probably 10-11, the age where the boys stop growing and the girls start. I had this HUGE crush on this one girl. She was my height or taller, long, dark hair, small nose, full lips, great smile, very sweet mannerisms. Of course, I couldn't date her, since I wasn't 18 yet, but I still lusted after her. I don't think I ever really talked to her, since we only had one class together (Spanish) but she became, for me, the perfect image of a woman.

Fast-forward a few years, to yet another school; early teens maybe. Didn't interact much with my classmates, especially girls. I had to focus on school so I could my life together, remember. I was definitely a nerd, especially since I read on the bus. Kids would often tease me for it, and because they are kids. I distinctly remember being asked if I shaved my legs. (Puberty hit me kinda late, so my body hair wasn't thick, and it was blonde to boot.)

One day, a stop or two before I got off, one of the girls that teased me slipped me a note. Turns out it was a love letter, and she was bravely expressing her crush on me. I didn't know how to handle that, especially since she didn't fit my ideal of a beautiful woman, so I did probably the worst thing possible: I ignored it, and tried to ignore her. Someday I hope I can apologize for being such an asshole. I hope she was strong enough to live with that kind of rejection at such an impressionable age.

I changed schools a lot. This isn't just the normal grade school to middle school to high school change, but a complete change in classmates. I shifted through different social groups of kids four different times before graduating from high school. There's no way that frequent change helped me any.

A few years later, yet another school. High School this time, and definitely firmly grounded in inceldom. High School was socially rough on me, since I went to a Magnet school for math and science, that was put into a low-class black neighborhood High School. So not only did I attend classes with almost 100% nerds, but I was also alienated from most of the people there. It was a really strange environment.

Social interaction at that crucial age was virtually nil for me. In addition, it was the first time people really confronted me about my social interaction. You wouldn't believe how many time people asked, "Are you gay?" (Hell no!) to teasing me about being gay and other cruel things. That was a bad four years all around. Then, lo and behold, I turned 18. Of course, I still didn't have my life anywhere close to being 'in order'. So, I still didn't see much reason to date, plus I didn't have a clue how to go about doing it. I had about 0% confidence in myself when it came to interacting with those of the opposite sex, especially the very rare few I thought were attractive.

So now, today, I'm 25, and I'm definitely an incel. I have gotten a little more comfortable interacting with women. I've also chipped away at my image of the 'ideal' woman, and am slowly realizing how attractive all women are… but tall brunettes with certain facial features do a number on me. If only I'd taken advantage of a few opportunities in college, I would be free of this self-imposed bondage, but that's a different story.