Making an approach

You must understand that striking up an acquaintance in a bar or club is the single worst and most difficult. The next most difficult is at a singles club or event around the swimming pool. The best place is probably at a private party or celebration, like a wedding. Funerals may require an original approach.

You do not have to be overly witty, and you should avoid anything that might be construed as false flattery. Do not lie to try and inflate yourself. Concentrate on making some comment about the present, or something you believe you may have in common.

I get great results by nothing more than the weather. I suggest if you know you will be in a given situation like at school, or in the library, prepare specific conversation starters for that particular situation: -

-It certainly is windy today
-What breed of dog is that
-Did you think question 6 on the exam was hard?
-Do you think standing in line should be an olympic sport? (Have yet to try this) -That's such an unusual hat/scarf. Where did you get it? (I have a Russian army coat, and dozens of people have asked me about it. I got it from the Russian black market).
-Have you tried the pilsner?
-What do you think of (issue) at a political meeting?

I think the idea is pretty simple. This is why joining a club or event works better for a lot of people. It suggests a natural topic of conversation. With plausible conversation starters, you should be a bit more comfortable. Asking for the time or directions as a method to start conversations seems like a bad idea, since you may come across as being insincere.

*Before* you use a conversation starter, be sure you have gotten some eye contact. This where many guys go wrong. It is often not a coincidence you can't seem to make eye contact or hold someone's gaze. If for some reason someone happens to always be looking in another direction, pass on this one.

Eye contact is one of your biggest weapons, and you should practice smiling on cue in the mirror. You may feel a little silly, but imagine how you'll feel when you feel one way, and your face says something else. Do yourself a favor, and practice, practice. It helps to be clean and shaven, but nothing is really an obstacle.

Here's some more lines that will possibly work:

-do you think that lecture was interesting?
-I've always liked that work of art, because...
-There's no substitute for fresh ingredients...
-I saw that movie. What did you think of actor/actress....?
-This is a great party. How long have you known host/hostess?
-I hope it's going to storm. Do you like thunderstorms?
-I really like this music. It makes me feel calm/carried away by sound/ reminds me of... Do you have songs that make you feel like that?
-What made you decide to study major ?

I don't recommend cheesy pick up lines of any type. I also don't use any foul language. I don't say anything that would embarrass me in front of my grandmother. I never refer to any body parts. One thing I think most men don't appreciate is how self-concious some women can be about their bodies, even very good looking women. I just stay away from the subject of looks at first.

Besides, that can put her on the spot, and stop an otherwise fluent conversation. I never put my friends down in an effort to be funny. Build them up and compliment them. It'll make you look more sincere. If you are interested in this girl at all, keep your eyes North of the neck line! this is another common mistake. Most women will not take someone seriously who ogles them indiscreetly. Also, don't eyeball every woman that walks by.

I don't recommend talking about sex or relationships. You will not look sophisticated or turn her on--like some men believe. You will have trapped her into an embarrassing conversation. She will also know what is on your mind. Let her bring it up, if it does come up. Sometimes you will encounter resistance, and no matter what you say, you will not get a positive response. C'est la vie.

However the vast majority of times, if you get eye contact first, you will get a positive response. Are you beginning to feel more confident? Once the conversation has started, you must look for free information. This is stuff like where she goes to school, works, shops, whatever. You must develop the facility of developing threads from this free information.

Like if she says I went shopping for green peppers because I wanted to make salad for this party--ask her if she had a good time at the party. Don't come across with 20 questions like an interrogator, but keep the conversation about her. Listen for what she might want to say. Deflect the conversation from anything too personal, political (unless you're at a rally or you happen to agree with her), or anything which might be construed as controversial. You're goal is not be right or win a debate. The goal is to make her feel good.

Your undivided attention should help you greatly in this goal--and should come across as a compliment. (Hence avoiding the sticky problem of how to give compliments without you feeling like a jerk, or her being on the spot). The conversation should be light and pleasent, something she wants to remember.

If the conversation unavoidably does get controversial, be diplomatic and try and find out how she feels about something first. Never lie about your true beliefs. The conversation should turn towards things she wants to show off, and be appreciated for. This will also make her feel good. She will more than likely want to show off one of these things, if not all of them: Intelligence-even a woman of average intelligence want to show that they know something. What they do not want is someone who is astromicaly more intelligent. They want someone intelligent enough to appreciate them, without making them feel stupid. So if you are very intelligent, make an effort to sound out what level she is at, and avoid talking over her head.

Avoid always trying to prove you're right. (My dad has poisoned more relationships like this then I care to count). Also, don't correct people. I also know one fellow who jabbers and yammers, and even goes through lengthy middle-English poetry quotations. Can you guess how him trying to look smart really appears? Just a word to the wise guy.

Social Sense-

This is the type of thing where they want to show off what they would do in a delicate situation. Or they want to show off that they have a great deal of poise, even in potentially embarrassing situations. You can initiate discussions of these types by saying you saw a talk show about this particular situation, and wondering what she thinks. Or you can say you were in a situation, and how you resolved it, and ask her what she might have done. She may also start saying that reminds me of...Let her tell the story, even if you have already heard it.

Talent-

This is a pretty sure fire thing to get someone talking about themselves. Odds are very great she has a talent for something, and is too modest to point it out, hoping for the opportunity if someone asks her. If she has musical instruments this one is easy. Many people write poetry, and so on. I like talking about cooking, which is a good way to fish for a topic, and also is something I get a great deal of mileage out of, along with art (I'm a reasonably skilled draftsman--see my web site if you're curious), and I'm generally interested in how other people use talents.

Skills-

See above. It's a rare person that has no skills of any kind, or least i'm not likely to be interested in them.

Accomplishments-

Everyone wants to be appreciated for what they've achieved in life. Don't make too much of a small achievement like graduating highschool. Earning a Ph.D. on the other hand is an achievement, (so I've been told). Use your judgement, and ask for details if she mentions something she wants to be appreciated for. She may be subtle about this, so pay attention.

Ideas about how people relate-

Chances are any woman wants to talk about this. Listen for threads which might indicate she wants to talk about this. They want to talk about what's really going on in a relationship, or why people behave towards each other, etc.. You may prepare some question or situation which would invoke this type of conversation.

Streetwise-

Another situational thing. As above, do not ask her what she looks for in men, or how can you make this easier on me, or for that matter what women want. It's a sign of weakness. I would avoid trying to squirrel this question out of her in a round about way. Women see right through this, and the message will be the same.

You want her to talk more about how she feels, rather than rely upon abstract thinking, since she may then regard you as a wonderful conversational partner instead of what you really want. But neither be too obvious about it. Never tell a woman you're fine on just being friends unless you really are fine about it. And certainly don't pretend to want to be friends when you have more in mind.

I personally never offer to buy women drinks, ask women out on expensive dates, and never ask a woman for her phone number. If she says she wants to get together and does not provide a specific place and time, or a specific method of getting in touch, the sincerity of her interest is questionable. The number of phone games some people play is unbelievable, and I would just as soon not be bothered.